


Full of Yearning and Need

by zarabithia



Category: L M Montgomery - Anne of Green Gables series
Genre: Canon - Book, Multi, Sexual Identity, Yuletide Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-24
Updated: 2009-12-24
Packaged: 2017-10-05 05:01:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/38073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zarabithia/pseuds/zarabithia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Walter has always loved Una. But he isn't sure he loves her the right way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Full of Yearning and Need

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TrisB](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrisB/gifts).



Walter knows from an early age that he loves Una Meredith.

He loves her fiercely, the way he loves a cool breeze in the middle of a sweltering summer day. When his troubles and worries and self-doubts bubble within him and make him want to run as far away from Rainbow Valley as his feet can carry him, just the mere sight of Una and her quiet greeting is enough to ease the knots that tension have tied in his stomach. As the right breeze makes the sweat feel cool upon a suffering brow, Una's presence next to him makes Walter's worries seem not quite as severe as they originally appeared.

The love he feels for her is as strong as Una's comfort is steadfast, but as strongly as Walter loves Una, he does not think he loves her in exactly the _correct_ way. He writes long, thoughtful poems dedicated to her importance, in the manner he thinks a lover should. He shares them, in the rare moments that they are alone in Rainbow Valley and on walks to and from school when their siblings are too distracted to pay any mind to Walter's ramblings.

Una listens, no matter where they are. Una listens and she smiles, a smile reserved only for him and ducks her head to hide her blush.

But Walter watches Jem, as the elder falls further and more hopelessly in love with Faith. Walter is used to his older brother knowing more than him and he always looks to Jem in order to know the proper way that he is _supposed_ to be. They are useful lessons that Walter treasures, even if he never does quite live up to Jem's examples.

What Walter finds, as he listens to Jem's passionate monologues about Una's sister, is that Jem loves Faith not the way a parched man loves a cool breeze, but instead the way that flowers love the sun. Jem's love is full of yearning and need; Jem's excitement rumbles with a passion that must make the thunder itself envious.

In short, Jem confirms Walter's belief that he does not love Una the proper way.

But Walter does not want to accept that, and he keeps trying to do it _correctly_. One ill-advised day under the Tree Lovers, Walter firmly clasps Una's hands in his own and kisses her softly. It is a quick kiss, although one that would make both their parents quite displeased with their impropriety.

But some things are more important than being proper.

Una does not chastise him for his manners, though she does reclaim her hands. There is an unmistakable tint to her cheeks that tells Walter his kiss warmed her in the way that Faith's presence warms Jem. Una warms Walter as well, in the way that his mother's hugs do.

"I'm sorry, Una," he apologizes, not for the kiss, but for the feeling that isn't there when it should be.

Una regards him long enough that Walter is certain she must understand his true meaning, when she answers. "It is alright, Walter."

Walter continues to love Una, though his love is tempered by the guilt he feels for not understanding how he can love someone so strongly and still not love them the right way.

Walter's problem is not solved until he goes away to fight entirely different battles. At first, his conflict grows as newfound desires awaken in him, ones that he keeps carefully pressed down and hidden away.

But a fellow soldier destroys Walter's facade when he takes Walter's hand in his own and says, "We are going to die without having truly lived, Blythe." The soldier's name is Robert and he is neither Una nor Faith, but his hand around Walter's suddenly makes it clear to Walter how Jem and the flowers that ache for the sun's beams must feel. "It seems a shame, doesn't it?"

It is just the two of them alone, as Walter had arranged years ago with Una in Rainbow Valley. But this kiss is nothing at all like his mother's hugs - it reaches down deep into Walter and rips away all of his confusion and uncertainty, until there is no longer any doubt why he couldn't love Una correctly.

Pain, shame and regret all want to claim prominence in his heart, but so too does relief that his inability to love Una correctly isn't because he doesn't know _how_ to love.

It's still not the correct way, Walter is sure, and for that he apologizes internally to Una.

Across France's war-torn landscape, a cool breeze blows over him, and Walter can almost hear Una's gentle voice in the wind: _"It's alright, Walter."_ It ushers in a sense of calm and acceptance, as the breeze always has.


End file.
